Gratitude and Hope

Most of my life, for as long as I can remember was spent desparately searching for something whole, a feeling of completeness, a feeling of kinship. Every black sheep has a different story, and I suppose mine is no more interesting than the next. I will only share that my break into adulthood was not a comfortable/status quo one, and so I went floundering.

Fast forward to now! I am finally able to identify with the anger and frustration at what I have been up against without denying it or allowing it to hold me back! Kayla and I are making big plans together, having a wedding, buying a house, starting a family. One of the things that I am so proud of in our relationship is that we have been able to create all of this with very little guidance. Neither of us were given the traditional keys or even a roadmap for what our lives might look like, but we both had a vision, the same vision, and it came from somewhere inside. When we came together, we each brought a little damaged monkey strapped to our back. To unleash them sometimes meant chaos! But by some movement of grace, we were able to sense one another beyond the smell of all that fear and fury. It isn't that we were able to change one another, but that together we have found the ability to change. By developing trust, acceptance, and seeking positive guidance, Kayla and I have been empowered to create exactly what we want:our lifestyle, our family, our professional and social places in our culture. We are doing it with the laws stacked against us, even without the support of some of those closest to us.

Synchronistically, there is a tangible buzz in the air with our trek to "married life" paralleling the legalization of same sex marriage in NY. There is this sense that our children may grow up without having to bear the burden of shame, without knowing the adversity that we have felt, and without bearing so hard the brunt of so much ignorance and inequality. There is this glorious seed of hope budding in my heart. My prayer of hope and gratitude is for those that came before us, and for those of the future, and for us here, right in this beautiful moment.