The Elephant and the Laptop

It is interesting to me how propriety has shifted with social media,allowing us to flex our moral muscles in a less confrontational way. Facebook or social media of other varieties, has become a forum for all of us to say to a computer screen what we would not dare say to one another's faces.

When I am in the presence of my uberrightwingconservativebornagainchristian family members, I feel like we are all human beings, blood related, sharing family time. Not much do topics like politics or religion or gay and lesbian issues come up in our discussions. No, our exchangesare more of the "he said she said, what's for dinner, how is work, where should we eat, what should we eat, what should we cook, whats for dessert,breakfast, lunch" variety. It is an easier way for us all to be in the same room and enjoy one another's company, as the elephant sits quietly in the corner, munching on his feelings and growing more and more obese as the years pass us by. Lo and behold, when family time is over and we all go back to our computer screens, type in our passwords and suit up for battle, we are back at a passive aggressive war.


I would rather not be political. I'm really not very political. But I suppose I don't have a choice in stance taking, because naturally, I have an opinion and a preference about what laws and policies are made or changed because I exist. I am gay and I want to get married, I want my gay friends to be able to legally marry if they so choose. I would love for us to take care of the environment. I would like for our children to get a bad ass education. I would like for all men and women, gay and straight, rich and poor, to have equal opportunity to achieve success in this society. I would like to live in a country that celebrates diversity and I would like to see those that have hearts full of hate begin to change their minds. I really believe in compassion as a virtue to strive for, and if I had to be a political poster child for something, it would be COMPASSION. Look it up.

I digress. The real reason for this rant is that I feel frustrated about the development, or lack of, of some of my relationships via social media vs real life. In reality, we DO live a portion of our lives on social media. Facebook IS real life. It is a strange integration but it is an actual one. I am saddened by the fact that I have become so docile in regard to my family's lackluster support of who I am. I have lapped up with glee any gesture of acceptance, because I CRAVE it. Ohhhhh, 13 years after coming out as a lesbian, we can comfortably sit in a room together and it feels...somewhat, like a family gathering. But dammit if on cyberspace I am not bombarded by anti gay rhetoric vigorously posted on the walls of those very people. Dammit if I am not continuously made to feel like they truly believe that I should be punished for who I am. It has become easier to swallow because, thanks to privacy settings, I can "hide" the walls containing posts that only cause to upset. What I don't read can't affect me. But now Im angry, frustrated, upset because I am at a milestone in my life and I realized what has happened. I got engaged to my girlfriend. This is one of the happiest times in a person's life. I got engaged to my girlfriend and for the first time in my adult life was slapped across the face with the realization that I actually deserve this. I actually deserve the right to have what straight people take for granted. I might have said a million trillion billion times that I feel equal and that I deserve to be treated equally, and I deserve to have equal rights, but not until that ring was on her finger and we began to plan our wedding did I realize that some part of me believed until now, that it was actually acceptable to settle for less. I believe that since we propped that elephant up in the corner of the room, shut our mouths, and opened our laptops, we delayed progress. I fear that instead of being in my wedding photos, the people that I crave approval from the most will be at their laptops, viewing a scene titled "Our Wedding" that they feel morally obliged to disapprove of.